Ego death: Guidance of Psychiatrists

     I want to talk a little today about Ego death that has accompanied my treatment of Bipolar disorder. I have found that I have lost myself to the medications I take to control my disease. I used to have a sense of random abandon; I couldn't sit still and had to just go and do something. I believe this was enjoyed by my family; the got to see a lot of things that other people will never see. It is a battle each day to take my medications; I feel like I am a better person, most of the time, without them. Of course, I also will inevitably go manic and end up in the hospital without them. It is a battle every day to choose which is the lesser of two evils. The anti psychotic meds I take rob me of emotion; the antidepressants don't seem to do anything, aside from short term memory loss. Some medication I take makes me irritable, so you have to add a benzo in there for that. My new doc has the goal of getting me back as close to my normal functioning as possible. Not having the stress of work helps, and I plan to stick to this plan and trust her for a while. My guess is I am very similar to other Bipolar disorder sufferers out there, and they also battle taking medications. My hope is to focus on me for 2-3 years, the start a new career in the medical field to help those with problems like I used to have. Only time will tell, but I hope to tell you over time about my Ego being reborn, and the Father, brother, son and husband I still am, somewhere deep inside, returns, like the progidal son he is. Have any of you experienced this, or had a family member who has? I'd love to hear about it; and I will help all of us not to feel so alone in our struggle with Bipolar Disorder.

BB