It seems to me that I am forced to live in an emotional prison; one of my own creating, and one encouraged by others. I fear happiness, not because it is enjoyable, but because it may be the beginning of hypo-mania, which, as I have written, will quickly ( usually within a week for me) will lead to a full blown mania, something I fear. I fear sadness, because that may mean a depression is coming( rare for me but does happen). There are no shortage of people who may remind you that you may have left my 'cell'; asking if I am ok, or if I am getting sick. I guess therapy is a good way to expand this prision; a way to expand the walls and live within my emotions without getting out of control. I have found that the same warning signs a recovering alcoholic or drug abuser uses for relapse are also very good for me to determine I am getting sick again. It is also very useful for your loved ones to use to help them establish if you are still ' in your cell' or not. You can find those warning signs here . I don't know if I will ever escape my emotional prision, but I do believe I can learn to live there and be happy. How about you guys; do you feel trapped by your emotions also?
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I can so relate to what you wrote. In fact, I wrote a similar blog the other day. If you want to read it you can find it at http://www.bipolarly.com/2012/06/neurosisthe-realm-of-limbo.html (not spam, I promise!) Like you, I often feel trapped by my emotions and I've grown to be very untrusting of them. If I feel happy, am I really happy, or am I just slipping into hypomania? If I'm sad do I have a real reason to be, or is it just depression burying me alive again? It's confusing, and it causes a bit of identity crisis along the way as well. It's difficult, but we have to train ourselves to refocus our perspective. Rely less on emotions to tell you who you are, and tell those emotions who you are DESPITE of them. Maybe we won't ever learn to fully live prison-free, but maybe emotional house arrest would an improvement? :)
ReplyDeleteThanks. I will read your blog. Always nice to know I'm not the only one out there. I think something important for us to do is try to remove the stigma from mental illness. I'll blog about it later. Any thoughts you have will be helpful.
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